Friday, August 12, 2011

Information Superhighway

Late nights, wandering around aimlessly on the web, awaiting for something to pique my interest. No, not that interest...dirty you. I feel like I might as well be standing with my thumb out on the side of the superhighway.

When I am in that state, I am most vulnerable. Vulnerable yes, but also impatient. I want my information ready for me at the drop of a click, in a manner in which I can easily digest. No long upload times, no confusing websites. Having said that, it amazes me that in 2011 people still put out shit websites. You are the hunter and I am the hunted. Your bait has got to be better than that!

Your website cannot be as useless as THE TAN CAN.

Yes, that is a tanning coffin. WTH??

Since I write another blog about the hospitality industry, I thought it would be great to use a wine vendor site as my first example.

FIrst of all, kudos for trying to be hip and artistic, but I really don't wanna play "Where's Waldo by having to hover over stuff to find the live links. Most importantly, WHY?!!! OH WHY??!!! would you force anyone to scroll horizontally??!!
That warrants a
ED Lover is rolling around in his bed right now! It's a wine site for crying out loud! That means I am an alcoholic, I mean wine buyer/connoisseur, right? I want my alcohol info now and you wanna play hide the bottle with me? If you click on “Find Us,” it’s impossible to get back to the home page. Even hitting the [back] button doesn’t help. The problem with offering News is that you need to update your news. The last news item was from September 22, 2009. FAIL

So what goes with a good glass a wine? Some pampering, I say! Thus bringing us to our next site.

This site is full of all kinds of ridiculous stuff. It's like a teenage myspace page gone bad with the glitter, butterflies, cheesy music, swans, mad blue background, growing flowers, scrolling words, multiple fonts, poor transitions and littered with crap images. They do, however, have a back shot of a nude women laying on her side. Does she work there? Maybe not to shabby after all;)

Now, I would just like to talk about some sites based on product/services offered. I can't help myself. Hehe!
Are your pets embarrassed about being neutered? Their four-legged friends need never know, thanks to Neuticles--implants that restore the look of their recently removed body parts. Yes, these cosmetic cojones are no joke; prices start at $73 a pair.

Not to be confused with BumperNuts, which provide a similar service for your car.
Sadly, this is exactly what it says it is. Think Priceline for face-lifts and tummy tucks. No, I am not joking.

Honorable mention on content alone: (Don't judge me! Inmates need love too)

In 2011, we have access to all kinds of wonderful technology and information. Children are computer savvy and have learned to record themselves, create short films, blog, edit etc. There are tutorials on pretty much anything on Youtube or So when I am surfing the internet and stumble upon websites that don't give me what I need, when I need it...I simply let the next one pick me up and hope to reach a more desired destination.

I'm totally cool with having my thumb up, but I'm not gonna show a little leg just to get there.
See ya around!